


Daddy Issues

by MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom



Series: KotFE - The Smuggler [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Crack, Force Zapping, Gen, Humor, Nobody listens when Arcann monologues, Valkorion and Arcann should be on Dr. Phil, Valkorion is a horrible father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:45:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5206364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom/pseuds/MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is it: the Battle for Asylum, where The Outlander and the Villainous Arcann duke it out for supremacy!<br/>Or: Where Arcann confronts his distant father who would much rather watch paint dry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daddy Issues

It finally happened, Asylum with its galaxy renowned roasted gorak had fallen to the Eternal Fleet and, in the center of it all, a confrontation between The Outlander and the patricidal Emperor Arcann.

“I am not without mercy,” said Arcann with that irritating smugness that made the Outlander want to punch him in the face.

He had inherited that from his father.

She told him so.

With half of his face missing, Arcann’s scowl couldn’t be seen. But it could be heard as he continued his monologue. “Surrender and I will…”

The smuggler lost interest in whatever Arcann was saying as her eyes wandered over the room before landing on Valkorion’s incorporeal form.

He too was completely ignoring his son, choosing instead to pick at imaginary dirt under his nails.

She couldn’t imagine why. They were really clean fingernails. Perfectly manicured too.

She looked down at her own chipped ones.

“Are you even listening to me?” Demanded Arcann.

“No,” came the Outlander’s immediate and honest response.

Arcann looked startled for a moment before quickly recovering and igniting his lightsaber with a snarl.

The smuggler glanced at the apparition who quietly watched paint dry on a nearby wall.

“What, are you waiting for an invitiation?” Asked the smuggler, dragging the apparition’s attention to her. “Force zap him already!”

For a moment Arcann thought he heard a melancholy sigh but disregarded it as his imagination.

The smuggler turned back to the psychotic man-child in front of her.

“’Kay, wait,” she started, recalling an offer for her to surrender, “I’ll surrender. I just need to contact my friends and tell them to stand down.”

Arcann watched her suspiciously. “Why the sudden change?”

“Apparently your pops can’t even manage to pay attention to you long enough to Force zap you,” she said sourly, “Figures.”

“Father—“ Arcann couldn’t get the rest of his statement out, choking on his own rage.

“ _Ahem_. Yes,” said the Outlander awkwardly. “Now about my surrender—“

Valkorion was suddenly standing between her and Arcann.

“I should have expected this,” he said resignedly. “Thexan, if you ever want to be rid of me, you must kill the Outlander!”

“My name is Arcann,” said Arcann through gritted teeth, “I _killed_ Thexan, _remember_?”

Valkorion looked surprised. “I thought Arcann was the one in black…?”

“No!” Howled Arcann.

“Ah,” said Valkorion succinctly.

Before either of them could continue their family drama, the smuggler interrupted.

“Valkorion,” cried the smuggler in outrage, “I was _lying_! How stupid do you think I am?”

“You threatened to starve yourself to death if I didn’t Force zap you some toast every morning.” Said Valkorion who grimaced at having to speak the term ‘Force zap’. _Hah_.

“And you believed me,” replied the smuggler, implying great stupidity on his part for doing so.

“You then did not eat for three days.”

“Who cares about the Outlander’s eating habits,” snarled Arcann, “You really thought I was Thexan this entire time?!”

“Thexan is the one with the superior combat abilities then?”

Arcann refused to answer that.

“I could have sworn it was the other way around…”

“You and your father clearly have some issues to work out,” said the Outlander delicately.

Valkorion sent her a sour look before turning back to his son. “KILL HER.”

“Gladly,” muttered Arcann.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know which twin was which. You are _such_ a bad father.”

And then she and Arcann fought.

Valkorion did eventually give in and Force zap his son, however he was in her body too long and ended up having weakened her as well, proving once and for all that maybe his excuses not to speak with Senya weren’t absolute BS.

Also having the chance to Force lightning Arcann’s ass off a building made Valkorion happier than she’d ever seen him. What a horrible father. She made sure to tell him this several times.

He was insufferably smug for weeks.


End file.
